Goodbye Meaningless

I saw a facebook post from a friend who has recently gone on a month-long trip around Europe with her husband and sons. She wrote that despite being gone for a month, she survived on just a couple of shirts, pants, shorts, and shoes, plus a jacket or two. Once she came back home, she realized that her overflowing closet was completely unnecessary, and immediately decided to throw out over half of it. That really stuck with me, and so I've decided to do the same (unfortunately without the Europe vacation).

I have noticed that I am pretty reliant on my things. I have a lot of clothes, as well as different types of clothes, but I still sometimes feel that I need more. I'm tempted by almost all clothing sale ads that come up on my computer, and even when I do buy more clothes, I can never bring myself to give away the really old ones that will then never be used. I can go a couple weeks without doing laundry, and still find adequate things to wear.

Further, I have drawers and drawers of junk that I don't know what to do with. One of my dresser drawers is completely taken up with this, and to be honest I'm not completely sure what exactly is in it. I attach so much meaning to objects, but all that happens is that when I want to find something that I really need, like headphones or a charger, I have to sift through mountains of things irrelevant to my life now.

There is a fire in the mountains pretty close to my city that has burned down a few houses and threatened hundreds more. Thousands of people have had to evacuate, leaving behind their homes and most of their belongings. It's heartbreaking to think about, but I've realized that if it ever happens to me, I don't want to be heartbroken over the things lost in the fire; obviously, I will be heartbroken over my sudden lack of home, and understandably disappointed over money lost. But I want to be able to turn my back on the things lost and remain happy that I am with my family and able to move on. It is the same for if my house ever was robbed.

So my newest project will be to throw out at least half of my things that I have not used/worn since moving here. I'm talking multiple garbage bags. Afterwards, my room should be easier to clean and organize, and hopefully I can go on from there to continue to detach myself from materialistic things.

I Do Not Want To Be...

A scared woman. Life is tough. Anxiety, stress, and fear are normal parts of life, especially if you want to go far and test yourself. However, I will not let "scared" become my adjective. Living life scared to death of everything is not living at all; I want to work with my fears and overcome them, so that they do not hold me back. I will talk to strangers; ask for what I want; take leaps of faith; go wherever I want.

A clueless woman. I don't want to just know everything about one thing; I want to know a little about everything. I want to never lose my deep curiosity and interest in everything happening around me.

A cold woman. Life requires some tough decision-making and strong will, but I will not allow that to turn my heart into stone. Even though the world around us seems to be heartless, I will not lose my connection to my heart and kind nature.

A predictable woman. Spontaneity and change are my best friends. Life is boring without it. 

An invisible woman. I've spent a lot of my life trying to blend in and hide from everyone. I am still not a huge fan of the spotlight, but I'm learning to be okay with stepping out and showing myself.

An envious woman. Comparing myself to others will do nothing for me. I need to focus on myself and my accomplishments, and only then will I be truly happy.

A lazy woman. To me, life is about both hard work and hard play. I don't mind a day sweating at work or stressing out about homework, and I don't mind spending that night wasted going out with my boyfriend. I want to put my all into everything I do, and make it all meaningful.

A sad woman. Negative emotions, like fear, are parts of life. But again, I will not let that become my adjective. After a day of only tears and internal screaming and anxiety, I want to be able to look at the sunset and be flooded with love for life.

Listening

I am currently listening to Love Shack by the B52's. My parents did this song and it's very close to my heart.

Today in my communications class we discussed listening skills, and I realized that I may be overconfident in mine. My teacher pointed out a lot of things that can be harmful when listening to others, and I found three that I'm aware I really need to work on.

The first one is interruption. While I don't talk over people, I definitely wait for my chance to speak and perhaps stop attentively listening to what they're saying. I really need to work on actually mindfully listening to other peoples' point of view, and value that over needing to say what I need to.

The second one is my mind wandering. Too often, I start tuning out when people are talking and I think about whatever is on my mind. As a result, I miss most of what they say, and I end up just nodding. This is not productive/effective conversation, and I need to work on clearing my mind before engaging in conversation so that I am completely focused on what they are saying.

Finally, I let myself get distracted by my environment while talking. I always thought it was innocent to turn and watch a child playing while having a conversation, or to point out a dog. Now I see that this can be really disrespectful and rude; even further, it sends the message that I don't find what they're saying interesting and that I'd rather watch other things than watch them.

I do like listening to people, and want to hear their point of views and thoughts. I've just fallen into some bad habits, which means it's just another thing to work on!

"The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough." - Rabindranath Tagore 

July 2016 Goals

Happy Fourth of July!! I'm currently listening to Chris Brown's Beg For It. It came up in a youtube playlist.

It's important to have things to focus on to keep yourself from feeling like you're floating through life. Especially at my age (nineteen), it's way too easy to fall into the idea that you're not accomplishing anything. So here are my most recent goals.

• Keep straight A's. School is my main focus right now. It's my gateway to bigger dreams and accomplishments, so no matter what else I'm doing (including jobs, relationships, hobbies, etc) I need to make sure that I'm good with school first. 
• Save money. To be honest, I spend way too much money right now. I'm always eating out, buying candles and Finding Dory paper towels (so worth it), and enjoying my time out here as much as I can. While it's important to have fun during all parts of your life, I need to plan for the future at the same time. So I need to keep regularly adding money to my savings account in order to have not only an emergency fund, but also money for moving out in the future, traveling to Europe (I plan to take a trip next year around September), etc. 
• Read 100 books by July 2017. I really stopped reading as much this past year, and I'm ready to change that. It really helps that I've become more active on the website/ app GoodReads, where I can not only keep track of books I've read/want to read but I can also review and discuss them in online book clubs. I'm currently reading Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight by Alexandra Fuller - I recommend! 
• Cook more. I want to be able to whip up a great meal without once consulting Pinterest or a cookbook. That just comes with practice and familiarity, so I want to cook my own dinner at least twice a week. That will also help me stay healthier and save money!
• Stay off my phone. I have gotten way too attached to my phone, and so I want to practice leaving my phone in my room in a couple hours so that I'm enjoying life without distractions. It's also what I fall back on when I'm bored or waiting for something, so I want to replace it with a book that I always keep in my purse. I think that'll be healthier than playing Candy Crush all day. 
• Use my gym membership. I joined my boyfriend's gym last month, but we've only gone twice together. So one of my newer goals is to go to the gym at least twice a week, if not more. And that's additional to my jogs around the neighborhood, so I should stay in decent shape if I go at least twice. I really recommend joining Planet Fitness, since it's only ten dollars a month! They're also big on helping everyone feel comfortable at the gym, which is one of my biggest problems; I always get way too self-conscious, which will hopefully go away with time. 

Those are admittedly some obvious goals, ones that most people have. So here are my more personal goals. 

• Grow three different types of plants outside in pots. This will include learning about soil, fertilizer, roots, etc. I can't plant things in the ground because I'm staying at my grandma's house for only another year, but I recently bought some gardenias and planted them in a pot to put on the deck. It's really exciting to have something that can actually grow and bloom that requires regular care! So by next summer, I want three different plants in pots to take care of. 
• Send thank-you cards and letters through mail. My family and friends are almost all in California, so I'm going to take the opportunity to send some old-fashioned mail to them! I just bought some stamps and some thank-you notes, and I'm going to start sending some out soon. I'm excited. 
• Expand my music library. I get sick of music really easily, so I always need some new songs to keep things interesting. Lately I've been more into coffee-shop type songs; especially ones in Spanish, which relates to my next goal. I really like the Cafe con Leche playlist on Spotify. 
• Go on Duolingo every day. Right now I am focusing on Italian, but I think I'll add Spanish also. It's a really great app for learning languages, and it's completely free! So I do recommend donating once in a while by buying one of their two dollar things. Not needed, but nice to keep it going and give everyone a chance to learn the basics of another language. Again, I really really recommend downloading the app!! 
• Finish the Qur'an. With all of the controversy over Islam, I think it's important to know what you're talking about when discussing the issues or defending an opinion. And since everyone likes to quote from the Qur'an or simply give generalizations of it, I want to finish reading my copy (an English translation, but one given to me by an Islamic Center) so that I have a better understanding. 

There are obviously some more, but these are the first ones to come to mind. My last goal - keep writing down my goals to keep them at the front of my mind!

"Happiness is not a goal... It's a by-product of a life well lived." - Eleanor Roosevelt