The Outdoors

Good afternoon! I'm currently listening to Te Odio los Sabados by Raquel Sofia. I love her voice! She came up in a Spotify playlist.

I've always had an appreciation for flowers and plants. When I was in the second grade, my teacher asked me what I liked to draw the most. I immediately yelled out, "Trees!" Ever since I can remember, my favorite color has been green. My childhood games included pretending that I lived in a rainforest, running through the grass and becoming friends with all of the little animals as I scavenged for food and harvested resources.

Understandably, Colorado has changed me. Moving has given me the opportunity to really discover who I am. Being put in a new environment tests what makes a person really themselves, because if you've only lived in one place then you only know who you are in relation to that neighborhood or city. I don't think I realized that before. There were parts of myself in California that are completely lost to me now, and new worlds inside me that have only started to bloom.

One of those worlds is the wondrous combination of dirt, sun, sweat, and plants. While I didn't want to admit it, I used to hate being outside. Seeing even one bug would send me running, and I was so self-conscious about sweating that I would only brave the sun for short periods at a time. The extreme heat would make me grumpy and lazy (although to be honest, I'm still working on expanding the narrow temperature range that I can currently tolerate) and I grew increasingly dependent on air conditioning. I had plants, but I kept them all in my bedroom. Fortunately for me, I moved to the land of high altitude dry heat, complete with a collective obsession with hiking and mountain-man beards. Throw in a schedule that rarely allows me  to be home with air conditioning and my dislike of driving, and it was inevitable that I would be spending time outdoors.

Being from a more urban environment, I fought the love of the outdoors very hard at first. I was sick to death of hearing about hiking, and everyone's billion selfies of them up in the mountains. I was confused by the love of beards and mountain culture, and preferred to stay in my freezing cold basement watching netflix. I thought I would never fit in with the adventurous spirit here.

But a year later and here I am, looking for ways to spend every minute possible out in the sun. I have a new appreciation for the harsh rays of sun on my skin (I do make sure to wear sunscreen) and the sweat that showcases the work my body can do. It now kills me to look out of a window at the bright, open outdoors and not be able to go out and enjoy it. I spend my meals and free time out in the backyard, sometimes with a good book or with my dog Buddy. I'm now perfectly content with throwing my hair up and then walking down to the grocery store or ice cream shop in ninety degree weather.

A new outdoor love that I have found is for gardening. While I liked the idea of growing a plant, I did not like the idea of bugs and soil types and remembering to water them regularly. Now, I'm intensely attracted to all of those things - even bugs! I can't count how many times I've stopped just to stare at an interesting insect, or times that I've ignored spiders around me instead of instinctively killing them (unless they're in my bedroom, of course). There is something very therapeutic about sitting outside and working with soil, arranging new plants in a pot, checking that they have the right amount of sun and water, and then watching them grow and bloom. I cannot believe that a year ago I never would have dug my hand into a soil-filled pot that I knew to be full of bugs, never would have spent over an hour outside just admiring the leaves and flower colors. I don't have my own house yet, so I can't plant an actual garden in the ground, but so far I have been content with growing flowers and succulents in containers. Baby steps!

"I love spring anywhere, but if I could choose I would always greet it in a garden." - Ruth Stout

Summer Style

(Written June 16, 2016 but forgot to publish)

I'm not currently listening to anything, because I'm about to rush out to pick up my boyfriend from the bus stop. So I'm going to write this in about ten minutes :)

My clothes - especially during summer - have been relatively safe for most of my life. I might show a little more skin than others, but otherwise my choice in shirts and shorts are simple and honestly really boring. It was only the last couple summers that I started to try out skirts and dresses, and I still wasn't comfortable in them for a really long time. My safer, less-anxious choice was some short shorts and a T-shirt, or a tank if it was hot enough.

Once I moved to Colorado, and had the chance to start over, I stopped caring as much about what others thought and started to find the things that I wanted. This included clothes. At first, I took baby steps - wear heels to class, and don't feel self-conscious when walking down a quiet hallway. I didn't want to draw extra attention to myself.

But this summer, I want to be bold. I'm buying vibrant colors - I have enough faded t-shirts and plain gray things. I also want to try out the classier, casual-office kind of style. Pencil skirts, blouses, heels, lots of flowery and bright bright colors. I don't mind dressing up. In the past, I would feel extremely self-conscious if I was wearing a dress while everyone else was wearing jeans and hoodies. Now I'm living it up.

My closet is going to transform from various shades of gray to bright pinks, forest greens, deep turquoises, and California Poppy oranges. It might seem a bit ridiculous, but by brightening up my body I honestly feel as though I'm adding color to my life in general. And I'm very excited about it.

"You can never be overdressed or overeducated." - Oscar Wilde