I am currently listening to Une Place Pour Moi by Joyce Jonathan. I absolutely love her album Sur Mes Gardes from 2010, so I was really excited to see that she released another album this month!
I've been going through a confusing time lately, where I find that I'm doubting myself a lot. I don't feel smart enough, interesting enough, pretty enough, funny enough, etc. This led me to feel really lonely, even though there isn't any good reason for me to feel that way. I let myself dwell in it a while, but I also started to realize that my problem is that I've been looking for my validation from other people. I was comparing myself to others as well as judging myself based on my perceptions of their opinions of me. I know that this is wrong, and I worked really hard in the past to get myself past it, but in the last couple weeks or so I've felt myself fall back into that mindset.
The good news is that now I know why I'm feeling this way, and I am able to start working on it. There's a few things I plan on doing to help get myself back to a peaceful state of mind.
For one thing, I am going to stop dwelling on unrealistic fantasies. I think daydreaming is great, and fantasizing about being a better person can help motivate you to get there, but I've been doing way too much of it, to the point where I find reality depressing. My reality is not depressing; I know that I am very blessed and have a great life. Things can always be better, and nothing is ever perfect, but I want to get back to being content with how things are, and keep daydreaming as just that - dreaming.
Another thing I'm planning to work on is sticking to my goals. If I let myself stay idle and don't have something to stay focused on, then I will feel bored and aimless, making my life seem empty. I need to start being more organized with my goals, writing them all down and planning how to get there. Then I need to actually stick with it! I'll fake my motivation until it's real.
In addition, I will immerse myself in the little joys of life again. If I feel like my life is empty, then I need to fill it myself with love and happiness and nature and small accomplishments.
Lastly, I am going to fall in love with myself again. I normally don't have a problem being by myself - I love to eat out, go to the movies, or walk around alone. I don't usually need company to have a good time. Somehow I've been enjoying my alone time less and less, which makes me more sad than anything. So today I am having a "happily alone" day; I went out to get a burger by myself, which I think is the best way to go out to eat to be honest, and I am now at Starbucks happily studying (and blogging) on my own. I don't know what I'll do tonight, but maybe I'll go explore or do something free. I really do feel at peace when I'm by myself, so this part won't be too hard.
The second part of this is being happy with who I am. Overall, I think I'm pretty great, especially when I'm alone. I think the biggest thing for me is to not compare myself to anybody. Once I compare, I start to see what I consider "flaws". When I'm alone, thinking just about myself, those flaws seem to disappear, and I see them as beautiful. So these last two go hand in hand; I just need to spend some time by myself and enjoy who I am, and I think everything else - goals, joy, contentedness - will come easily. I feel really strongly about this, and it may get its own post sometime soon lol.
"Worry about loving yourself, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you." - Unknown
